A Little Violent
by Mokona the Marshmallow God
Summary: Umi hosts "A Little Curious" And gets her revenge..... PG for insanity and violence :)


A Little Violent....  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
A/N: :) :) :) I am pure evil :) :) :) And I love it... Anywho, Rayearth copyrighted to CLAMP, A Little Curious copyrighted by HBO, "The Dismemberment song" copyrighted to C.O.T.S. Enough said.  
  
Summary: Today, we're a little curious about -- Umi, put that axe down...  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
Fuu: Please, Miss Umi! We're desperate!  
  
Umi: So how come I have to do it?!  
  
Fuu: Kids love you, Umi!  
  
(kids cower in fear at the sound of her name)  
  
Hikaru: Besides, if you don't, who is going to inform the little children on today's "a little curious?"  
  
Umi: Inform? Inform them about what?  
  
Hikaru: Stuff.  
  
Umi: Like what?  
  
Fuu: Well, we haven't come up with that yet...  
  
Umi: Hmmm..... (evil grin) I've got just the thing! Don't get your pantyhose in a wad, Fuu! This time, Umi's got it covered.  
  
Fuu: Oh, thank you Miss Umi!  
  
Umi: How many "stuffs" are we talking about?  
  
Hikaru: Three.  
  
Umi: Okaaay.... Hi, sweet children!  
  
Kids: O___O (she's being nice to us!) Hi, Miss Umi!!!  
  
Umi: Today, we're a little curious about:  
  
Dismemberment  
  
Combustion  
  
and Beheading!  
  
Kids: (not knowing what any of that means) YAAAAY!!!  
  
Umi: Can anyone tell me what dismemberment means?  
  
(cricket cricket)  
  
Umi: No? Well, let me explain it IN SONG! :)  
  
Kids: YAAAY!  
  
:::The Dismemberment Song:::  
  
Umi: Dismemberment is a big word,  
  
And it seems very hard,  
  
But I promise you, that when we're through!  
  
You'll all be TORN APART!  
  
(with fun, that is)  
  
Take off all your arms and toes  
  
and shove them up Hikaru's nose!  
  
Oh boy, we're having fuuuuuun!  
  
(Hikaru: Gross!)  
  
Tear off your legs  
  
And break your neck  
  
The fun has just beguuuuuun!  
  
Now how do we do it, you say?  
  
Why, there's no better way!  
  
Thaaaaan..... toooooo...  
  
TAKE AN AXE! (pulls out axe from behind her back)  
  
Fuu: UMI! STOOOOOP!!!  
  
Umi: WHAT?!  
  
Fuu: YOU CAN'T TEACH THEM TO DISMEMBER THEMSELVES!  
  
Umi: Well why not?!  
  
Fuu: They might get hurt!  
  
Umi: DUH they'll get hurt! That's the fun part! Now let me finish my song!  
  
Fuu: Miss Umi, I cannot allow you to do this!  
  
Umi: FINE! Kids, since Fuu has so RUDELY interrupted, we won't get to finish the dismemberment song.  
  
Kids: Awwwwwwwwwww!  
  
Kid: I already dismembered Joey, and you still haven't told us how to put it back together. (holds up joey's arm)  
  
Umi: Well, it's Fuu's fault, not mine. Moving on to.... combustion :) Can you say Com-Bus-Tion?  
  
Kids: Compupchin!  
  
Umi: Very good! :) Now, does anyone here know what combustion is?  
  
(cricket)  
  
Umi: Noooo? Well, it's time for another song!  
  
Fuu: No, Miss Umi! You can't teach them combustion either!  
  
Umi: Aww, come on, Fuu!  
  
Kids: Yeah, rude lady, come on!  
  
Fuu: ... Hikaru, help me.  
  
Hikaru: (sitting in the back eating cookies) Would YOU like a cookie Lantis?  
  
Lantis: Why yes, I should like a cookie. Would YOU like a cookie, Eagle?  
  
Eagle: Why yes, I would like a cookie! :)  
  
Fuu: . . . . . Miss Umi, you can tell them WHAT combustion is, but you can NOT teach them how to combust.  
  
Umi: I promise! (crosses fingers behind her back)  
  
:::The Combustion Song:::  
  
Umi: COOOOOMbust!  
  
Combust!  
  
Combust!  
  
Combust!  
  
It's really fun to do!  
  
Combust  
  
Combust  
  
Combust  
  
Combust  
  
Combustion's just for you!  
  
Oh when you're being mugged  
  
Or there's a bully on your back,  
  
What do you have to do  
  
is simply paaaaay hiiiiim baaaaack!  
  
Coooooombust!  
  
Combust!  
  
Combust!  
  
Combust!  
  
How does it work you say?  
  
Combust!  
  
Combust!  
  
Combust!  
  
Combust!  
  
I'll show you the way!  
  
Just take a stick of dynamite  
  
That's all you have to do!  
  
Then grab a match  
  
and ---  
  
Fuu: STOP! STOP! STOP!  
  
Umi: WHAT IS IT NOW?!  
  
Fuu: Umi, you PROMISED!  
  
Umi: That I would teach them combustion!  
  
Fuu: No, that you wouldn't tell them HOW--  
  
((((KABOOM!))))  
  
Kids: There goes Diana...  
  
Kid: And there, and there, and there....  
  
Fuu: MISS UMI! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!  
  
Umi: Teaching :)  
  
Fuu: (dials 9-1-1) Police! Police! Po--  
  
Umi: (slugs Fuu, ties her up, and shoves her in the broom closet)  
  
Phone: Hello? Hello?  
  
Police: (hangs up phone) Just another prank call...  
  
Umi: Nooow.... what was our next word?  
  
Kids: Uhhhh..........  
  
((((KABOOM!))))  
  
Kid: Look! I did it!  
  
Umi: Excellent, David! Now, can you remember our next word?  
  
David: . . . . . . . it starts with a b.  
  
Umi: Oh YEAH! Beheading! Do you know what beheading is?  
  
Kids: A word!  
  
Umi: Yes, kids, it IS a word, but what does it--  
  
Hikaru: UMI!!!! This has got to stop RIGHT NOW!!!  
  
Umi: But Hikaru! We're getting to the BEST PART!  
  
Kids: YEAH! THE BEST PART!  
  
Hikaru: Kids, I'll tell you what beheading is.... CUTTING OFF YOUR HEADS!  
  
Kids: O_O GASP! Miss Umi wants to kill us!  
  
Umi: Ha ha! I was just ....joking! I wasn't gonna do that, we were gonna learn about.... PYRO!  
  
Kids: OoOoOoO! Pyro!  
  
Hikaru: NOOOOOOO! NOT PYRO!  
  
Umi: Oh yes, YES PYRO, YES!!!  
  
Hikaru: Eagle, call the mental asylum!  
  
Eagle: I'm on it! ........ now let's see, what was I supposed to do again?  
  
Lantis: Have a cookie?  
  
Eagle: Oh yes! I would like a cookie!  
  
Umi: Then what CAN I teach them about?  
  
Hikaru: The word, sit!  
  
Umi: FINE!  
  
::: The Sit Song :::  
  
Umi: Sit.  
  
Sit.  
  
Sit.  
  
It's Booooooring!  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
Sit   
  
Is stuuuuuuupid!  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
on people!  
  
and it makes... it..... fun!  
  
Kids: Oh boy!  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
on Maaaaaaaary!  
  
(Mary: Owch!)  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
on Laaaaaaarry!  
  
(Larry: Owwie owwie owchies!)  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
on Gaaaaaaary!  
  
(kid: He combusted...)  
  
Never mind, let's have some fun!  
  
Sit  
  
Sit  
  
Sitting on your butt all day  
  
Is really such a drag.....  
  
BUT sit  
  
sit  
  
sit  
  
on this CAT-A-PUUUULT!  
  
And your troubles will go away!  
  
Kids: OKAY! (sit on catapult)  
  
((((FLING!!!))))  
  
Umi: Ok, I'm done. I taught them how to sit.  
  
Hikaru: Umi, where are the kids?  
  
Umi: They had to go to the bathroom.....  
  
Hikaru: ALL of them?  
  
Umi: Yes.  
  
Hikaru: At the SAME TIME?  
  
Umi: I mean, they were sooo excited about sitting, they wanted to go .... sit on the toilet! Yeah! That's it!  
  
Hikaru: Umi, you're lying.  
  
Umi: AM NOT!  
  
Hikaru: ARE TOO!  
  
Umi: I AM NOT! And I'll prove it to you! (runs in the bathroom)  
  
(all the toilets are leaking and there's a big hole in the roof and some debris)  
  
Umi: Heh heh... that was great!  
  
Kids: @____@ Owww..... sitting is no fun.....  
  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
Wow! Umi actually got her way!R&R!  
  
-------------------------------------------------------- 


End file.
